time to think

I'm spending a much needed vacation week recharging my batteries and relaxing in one of my favorite places on the planet. Every time I step outside, I take a deep breath and let the scents of my hometown settle back into my soul. No other place smells like this, and I wish I could bottle the fragrance of Central Oregon. I haven't set an alarm since last Thursday, and I have barely looked at a clock as well. Yesterday I hiked for miles, and today I slept in (for me), lazed about for a while, then took a 2 hour nap this afternoon.

This year has taken a toll on me so far, emotionally and physically, and I've not had a lot of opportunities for real reflection and thinking. So I'm taking advantage of the break to allow myself to just sit and ponder as needed. 

I took a trip down memory lane yesterday and drove past my old house, past Rochelle's old house, past our high school, straight over to the park where we would go when we skipped class (shh). The swings are still there. All I needed was a Slurpee to complete the picture. Oh, and my best friend. I miss her so damn much. Nearly five years after she died, I want nothing more than one more conversation with her. A really long one, because we have a lot to talk about, she and I.

I wonder what she'd say about the things going on in my life now. What advice would she give me about the boomerang men? My job? The desire to pack my bags, sell my house, and run away to a sunny sandy beach town to make jewelry and sell flip flops? She always had a way of helping me make sense of things, even if she didn't outright tell me what to do. I need that now.

monday motivation - the key to me?

 

 Or... is it...

the key to me = happiness? 

No matter what seems to be heading my way (this last weekend was difficult to say the least), I can still honestly and truly say that I am in a happy place. Dealing will illnesses, unexpected expenses, stress and loss has taken a toll, but because I have an amazing group of friends and family, I have been supported and loved through the chaos and upheaval. And that makes all the difference. It's true that crisis amplifies emotions and brings out people's true character, for the good or the bad. Friendships that had been strained are healed and strong again. Trust is growing among those I love, and relationships are getting healthier. 

Being happy does not happen by chance. It happens by choice. I choose to look for the good in the world. I choose to surround myself with people who lighten my load and make my heart feel fuller. Happiness happens when I focus on moving forward through hard times, when I don't allow myself to get stuck, when I empower myself to make choices from the heart, even if others may not think it's the right thing to do. And when I do that, when I allow and encourage happiness in myself and others, I feel truly and authentically like myself. 

That is about as motivating as motivation can get. To be myself. 

nothing finer

I'm pretty sure there is nothing finer in this life than to love someone simply and straighforwardly. My happiness doesn't come from another, nor do I need a man to feel complete myself. We are our own separate people with our own experiences and lives, and the time we spend together should only add to both our happiness.

In my life, this type of love is a place where there is absolutely no judgment of each other. This love is not the sort that brings drama and unrest to people's lives; rather it is the place where our hearts go to rest. It's knowing that I can show up on his doorstep without a lick of makeup on and he'll still think I'm beautiful. It's being brave enough to let him listen to my secrets and knowing that they're safe in his heart; that he protects them as he would his own. It's peaceful, calm, romantic, strong and abiding. It's the kind of love that inspires sonnets.

when life hands me lemons...

I make my favorite luscious lemon cupcakes... a seriously yummy recipe you can find here. The fresh lemon buttercream frosting really makes it though. I've actually made this recipe with a box cake, using lemon juice in place of some of the liquid, and it came out great too. I made it as a layer cake, adding just enough yellow food color to the frosting to make you think of the sweetest creamy butter you've ever seen and topping it with yellow sugar.

I served it to my mom and Bill one day. I thought my mom might faint from the lemony goodness. Because that's how these girls roll. We love lemony goodness around here.

This week, life isn't handing me lemons. It is full of bananas though. Which, if you need to make banana cupcakes for a coworkers birthday next week, is just fine.

I'm thinking of this recipe, in hollowed out cupcakes full of the custardy filling and sliced bananas and a sweet whipped cream frosting.

Just one thing...I could use the actual bananas though, not the ones that ended up on my plate at work...

young at heart

Ever since the day he picked me out, I’ve loved his sweet face. He is the essence of peace and confidence. He won’t back down if someone threatens his family (me), but he has also mastered the lazy “smell the roses” stroll. 

I admit, I didn’t fully know what I was getting into when I got him. I remember my best friend asking me if I knew that some dogs eat their own poop, and was I really prepared to deal with that? But I was in love, puppy love, and I fell in deep. And my life is so much better as a result. When I look at the friends I have now that I never would have met without him, I count my blessings. And when I remember the times he’s let me cry into his fur and just snuggled in when I needed love, I count them again. 

And so, when my cute old man who has arthritis and other complicated illnesses, brings me his ball when I get home, I can’t help but smile at his wagging tail and his cute little hop and skip and stroll to pick up the ball after I throw it. He’s so stinkin’ cute!

Print available here.

you had to be there

sponge
butter
unicorn
apparently
sickle cell anemia
who's got the brain today?

It's a word, it's a phrase, it's secret code! None of those words above mean anything unusual to most people. Except for me and my friends...

There is nothing better than those rare moments when you are reduced to laughing-till-you-snort/cry/pee by just a word or phrase uttered at the right moment. And how that phrase becomes part of the language of your friendship in an instant, so that ten or twenty (or more) years down the road, that word still sends you into a fit of giggles.

Even better when it makes you giggle out loud in a very inappropriate setting. Ahem..like during a board meeting. Know what I mean, Vern? 

Maui baby

This isn't a real post. It's just my favorite quotes of my Maui vacation, because I'm sleep deprived and needed a break from reality for a minute:

1. If he doesn't love this picture of you in a bikini, he isn't a real man.
2. Maloha. A word for those who can't say Aloha or Mahalo at the right times.
3. That guy looks like Vince Vaughn.
   Really? He doesn't look anything like him. Are you saying that just because he's tall?
   Yep. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Totally looks like Vince.
   I'm clearly not drunk enough, I'd better have another IPA in a can.
4. Snorkel trip motto: We get drunk, and the whales get happy. Everyone wins.
5. If you take home two 22 year olds, that doesn't make you a cougar. Just add them together and you have a 44 year old.
6. Dude, that's like tequila shots with a cough syrup chaser. Yeah, leaving Maui and going straight to a wedding in Compton is like that.

Imagining my toes in the sand with blue sky and palms above. Yeah... that'll do...

vintage

I love me some vintage furniture. Rambling around my favorite vintage store today with a friend, we found some great finds. Things that have a history, a story, show their use and love and are built of quality material have always appealed to me.

When it comes to relationships, I appreciate certain vintage traits as well. I enjoy a man who is made of quality, who has character and personality, who stands the test of time. Sure, we all have quirks, and different things appeal to different people. I prefer a more rustic vintage than hipster. Clean cut more than shabby. I go for sporty over sophisticated, and relaxed over formal. Pet friendly and easy to live with. And I don't want someone pretending to be a vintage that he's not. He has to be true and honestly the vintage I'm looking for, not a wannabe or faker.

After all, I'd hate to invest in that really amazing looking enamel table, and after it's made it's way into the heart of my home, find out it was made in China two years ago and lied to me about it's authenticity. I'd never be able to enjoy a meal there again, knowing it had cheated me from the very beginning.

So, I left the table at the store. Let it cheat someone else. This girl is extremely happy with her new rack anyway. Pot rack that is. I'm pretty sure he can hang with the best of them!

it's like a sneeze

This isn't a real post. But since I don't have real readers that doesn't matter. Whose blog is this anyway? Oh yeah, it's mine, and I get to celebrate my fun friends whenever and however I want. So from one home fry to another - I found this text conversation saved in my phone the other day:


E: My coworkers want a warning before I sneeze so they can prepare for the loudness. :)

S: Ha! that's like asking me to warn people before I say something brilliant. Sometimes you can't. It just happens. 

E: You crack me up home fry!

S: Achoo.


Told you it wasn't a real post. Next time maybe you'll believe me.

when the sun goes down

Not long ago, one of my dearest friends said to me, "Did you ever notice how much of our friendship happens in the dark of night?"

It's true. While we've spent plenty of time together in daylight, some of the most memorable and true moments in our friendship over the years have happened after the sun has set. There have been late nights, early mornings, and sometimes all nights. By ourselves or with friends, staying up and talking about love and loss, goofing off and laughing till our sides ache. Soaking in a hot tub under the stars, lying in the cool grass on a summer night, snowball fights, and movie marathons all seem more exciting and adventurous in the dark. And our truths are so much easier to tell then too. It's easier to let your tears flow, drop your guard and be humble with each other.

I always look forward to these late night adventures, because they don't happen every day or every week. They are special and magical and happy and full of laughter and love, just like our friendship. It's about time we planned another one, don't you think, old friend?

first sign of spring

This little guy is the first in my yard to stretch open and welcome a new season!


As usual, the first daffodils remind me of a girls road trip during spring break many years ago. I'll never forget the laughter and joy that radiated from that car full of girls. May it cheer you up and remind you that it's time for new beginnings.



I

beautiful souls

I just spent the weekend with my best friend and two teenage girls. We flew to Los Angeles where we immediately (an hour or so later) got in the rental car and drove directly to the Pacific Ocean to have a picnic lunch with our feet in the sand, soaking up some sunshine and watching surfers. We spent the next two days covering every inch of Disneyland and California Adventure, filling up our happy tanks, laughing till we cried, walking till we hurt, and riding roller coasters till we screamed. I heard more giggles out of those two girls than I thought possible, until I remembered that I was once a giggling girl myself.

And yet, in the middle of all the excitement and joy, there were bittersweet moments. I couldn't help remembering going through the Haunted Mansion and riding the Matterhorn with Rochelle when we were 15. I thought of friendship often as I was watching the girls, knowing that both of them are seriously struggling with self-esteem, eating disorders and more, in a way that is beyond normal for their age. But their giggles and happiness were real this weekend, of that I am sure. I can only hope that it carries them for a while and shelters them from pain as long as possible.

Although I'm not a parent, my maternal instincts wanted to do everything to make sure they know that they are worthy and loved just for being themselves. That beauty isn't in the clothes they wear, the makeup they sneak on, and in whether they have a tan or not. It's in their soul and it sparkles even when their eyes are sad. It's in the child-like joy of joining in with a Disney character who just asked you to dance on the sidewalk. It's in learning a new way to live after a parent leaves or passes away. It's in the act of volunteering at a cat shelter just because you love cats. It's in giggling and sharing secrets with your best friend, knowing that she's got your back no matter what. It's in the permagrin that comes from riding a roller coaster that made you feel like a kid. These girls have beauty that cannot be contained, I just wish they could see what I see and trust in themselves.

resolution

As the year winds down, and a new year peeks over the horizon, I can't help but think about what the coming year will bring to me. And what it will require of me.

I don't really make new year's resolutions; or at least I don't call them that. But as I reflect on my hopes and dreams for the next 12 months, I usually find my thoughts centering on a few themes from year to year. That often leads me to a word or phrase that becomes my touchstone for the next year. Something to remind me of the path I chose when I get lost, something to bolster my spirits when I feel low. Over the years my words and phrases have been things like "leap" "heal" and "no room for fear."

As 2013 comes along, I find that this year is no different. When I started thinking about what my word might be, it came to me clear and bright like the stars on a crystal clear night.

Resolve.

My own personal reminder to be determined, be deliberate, be strong and steady. To stick to my guns, stand up for myself. To not allow others to harass or intimidate me. 

What are your plans for the new year? Any hopes and dreams on the horizon?

frolicking friend friday

I have had a rough week. Work is stressful right now. There are things in my personal life causing me stress and distress too, so I've spent 3 out of the last 5 nights with serious insomnia. Then, one of my best friends stopped by at lunch today. And reminded me how much I need my friends when I'm struggling. Just spending a little time chatting and enjoying each others company was all I needed to boost my spirits, remind me to try to look for the positive in what I'm facing, and then relax and have some fun too!

After lunch, I spent the afternoon playing with other friends and family - laughing on the phone with E-man and goofing off with dog park buddies. As the day went on, I could feel myself unwinding even more.

Yes, frolicking friend friday was exactly what I needed!

coffee boys

I’m lucky to have the flexibility to work from home a couple days a week. It’s so nice to not have to worry about how long my commute will be, knowing my pets don’t have to stay inside or outside for the entire day in whatever elements the Pacific Northwest is showing us this week, and have more time to get a run in, have lunch with one of my besties, and still catch a few extra minutes of sleep.

It’s not all sunshine and daisies though. My work is in communications, and I am by nature a social person. I live alone, so spending more time in my home can be a little isolating. At first, I found myself procrastinating more, and I was stumped as to why I was being less productive with more time on my hands, and then I realized three things:

1. I really do function better with a cup of coffee in the morning, which is tied to the discovery that I also make terrible coffee. It’s much better when I leave it to the experts.


2. It’s easier to start crossing things off my list after I’ve gotten ready for the day. If I log in and start working while I’m still in my PJ’s my energy never kicks in.


3. I need a little social interaction with other people at least sometime during the day.

And that brings me to my mornings with the coffee boys. I changed up my morning routine on my work at home days by making sure I take time for a shower and breakfast before my day begins, and then start my day at a coffee shop close by. I work for an hour or so while savoring my cup o’ joe. Wham! All three things are checked off to help my day start out productive.

Over the last few months, as I’ve settled into this routine, I’ve noticed a few guys who are usually at the coffee shop at the same time. I'm pretty sure they work in construction. There's usually just two of them, but occasionally a third joins them, always at  the table smack dab in the middle of the shop.  They’re about my age, a couple of solid, manly guys. You can also tell they’ve been friends longer than many marriages last. They laugh easily and it’s easy to smile at the way they joke around with each other.

As the weeks go by, we've started joking around with each other, with the staff, and with the other regular group that's there, "the grandpas." It's fun and lighthearted, and I really look forward to my mornings with the coffee boys. They notice and comment if I miss a day because of a meeting in Portland, or if one of us is missing for a week of vacation. Starting the morning with my friends is becoming my favorite part of working from home.

Except for Tank Top Tuesdays... those are just awesome from start to finish!

silver and gold

On a brisk fall day, in 1983, two young girls started 7th grade and joined the band. Who would have predicted that 29 years later, those two would still be friends (and band nerds at heart)? How do you know when someone walks into your life that they will forever change you, and will be a defining factor in who you become?

Thank you, my dearest friend for always being a friend. I simply cannot imagine what my world would be like if I hadn't known you. You bring sunshine to the people in your life, and your optimism and love is contagious. I admire the strength and grace with which you face your days.

And yesterday, when I heard your voice, strong and clear, knowing you were once again breathing the air that can only be found in Northwest, my troubled heart was happy. Happy to hear you sounding strong, setting down new roots and standing up tall for yourself. And when you helped me see the silver lining in the dark clouds that came at me this week, I couldn't help but cherish my best friend even more. And now, I'm looking forward to the end of the storm!

On this day, I'd like to propose a toast to our friendship. There's a song we used to sing in Girls Scouts that says, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." Shauna, you are gold.

friendsday

There is something about sharing a meal with friends that makes my heart sing. Sitting together, reconnecting, sharing the ups and downs of the last few weeks, feeling listened to, gaining perspective from another point of view and sharing my thoughts with them.

I had such a meal today. With a friend I don't see as often as I'd like. Their situation is complicated and they aren't able to spend time with me, or any friends, like they used to.

So when we get a few golden moments and can actually share the same space for a time, it's extra special these days. And as I sit and reflect on my day...I can hear my heart singing a little tune. It might be Wednesday to the rest of the world, but to me it's friendsday.

by and by

After spending a couple hours with a close friend a few evenings ago, I left for home feeling more content and peaceful than I had in days. I'd had a rough couple of days and my heart was feeling a little torn up, so it was comforting to just sit and be with my friend for a little while.  Back at home, as I was settling in for the night, I put on one of my favorite albums and it wasn't long before my favorite song came up to the plate. As I nodded off with these words in the background, I couldn't help but think of how true this is for our friendship. And for that I am ever thankful.

By and By

~Brett Dennen

Listen close, as close as I am to you
like the bell of liberty I'll ring a sound that's true
days go by and seasons too
in time our love may digress with the words we can renew

I tell you that I
I love you by and by
I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life

and I know words can be the worst to purvey
how it is I feel for you it's hard for me to say
but if we keep it simple I think it's better that way
tangled words tend to lead my messages astray

I tell you that I
I love you by and by
and I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life

this web we weave holds us hand in hand
and if we loosen our grips we may weaken these strands
so let us reinforce our love and let it echo through the land
if we don't we may find ourselves washed up with the sand

I tell you that I
I love you by and by
and I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life

monday motivation - live

Just a little reminder. Don't worry about others so much. Live your own life.