no fear allowed

I've had a variety of experiences in my career. I've experienced mediocre bosses, good bosses, horrible bosses and a couple of amazing wonderful ones. I've had good jobs, challenging jobs, stick a needle in my eye if I have to do this one more day jobs, and come face to face with the burnout monster more than once.

So, I've come to value and appreciate balance between work stress and the rest of my life as well as the interpersonal relationships I have with  my boss and my team. I'm in the fortunate spot right now to have the best team I've ever worked with. Our boss is a superhero and always our biggest cheerleader. My coworkers and I naturally support and encourage each other personally and professionally. Everyone pulls their weight.

The problem is, we're pulling too much weight. We're extremely overworked and our creativity and ability to excel at our jobs is suffering. It's been this way for a couple of years, and there is no relief in sight. I've been able to hold on and stave off the burnout monster for a while, simply by relying on the strength of our team. Knowing that we're in this together helps. I think we all know that if one of us leaves, the team could easily implode because there isn't any wiggle room to absorb the workload.

A position recently opened up that seems to be written exactly for me and my experience. I know I would do a great job at it. But I hesitated when I was first told about it.

Last weekend, during some much needed down time with family, I had the opportunity to talk it over with my mom and brother, and also seriously listen to my own heart. I realized I was letting fear cause my hesitation. It's not doubt that I'm good enough, it's fear that I'm leaving behind a great boss and team and may never have that again. Looking at that fear, I realize that there is no way that my new boss would be as bad as the horrible Rhonda was. From all reports, he's a fair boss and not a micro-manager, empowering his employees to make decisions. In my current job, I'm bored with the tasks I do. I'm not challenged by the substance of my work, just the quantity of it after five years of doing the same thing. I need to grow and learn and expand my skills. This job would give me a challenge. I'm ready for one.

I know I can't let fear make the decision for me. So I threw my hat in the ring and applied for the job. Wish me luck.

a few thoughts on writing this blog

Sometimes I wonder who is reading the words I write – I know a couple of you, but not many. I'm always surprised when I look at the stat counter and see how many people have read different posts. I really haven’t told many of my friends and family about this blog. I know that seems counterproductive to growing readership, but so far I think it’s for the best. I haven't hidden it, but I haven't gone out on a self-promotion campaign either.

Someone told me the other day that I am wise. And they weren’t being sarcastic. The best part is that this someone is new in my life. It’s not someone who knows firsthand the heartache I’ve lived with, the pain that’s made me who I am. It’s sweet and flattering to know that he appreciates my perspective on life. And it’s reaffirming to know that my stories have touched someone else’s heart, that the lessons I’ve learned are helpful for someone else.

In general, I’ve found it easier not being aware of who is reading – because I don’t feel the pressure to edit or censor myself. I want to allow myself to be completely honest. I know my own self well enough to know I’d choose different words or filter my stories if I knew certain friends or family members were reading this. I also know that those closest to me would be supportive, they’d comment and encourage and be my cheerleaders, but they do that no matter what I do. I do try not to be disrespectful to those who could someday read my words and recognize themselves here, but my goal is for this blog to reach people who need it. I’m writing from my heart, and I hope it touches yours. Whether you’re someone I already know or not – I’m glad you are here, and I hope you say hi!

an exotic evening

I had a chance to see an advance screening of a new movie last night. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. A most excellent movie. Amazingly full of the stuff of life. Go see it. I can't even pick a favorite character - the casting was spot-on, and each person's story was a brilliant part of the symphony. Just go see it. I'm no movie critic - but this is funny and sad and serious and sweet all at once.

And it's full of little quote gems, like "It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." And, "I'm single by choice, just not my choice."

p.s. Judy Densch's character was my favorite. I think.

monday motivation - live

Just a little reminder. Don't worry about others so much. Live your own life.

getting out my soapbox

A little bit of relationship advice for anyone who needs it:

Does your partner:

• insult you in public or private?
• check up on where you've been and whom you've talked to?
• criticize your family and friends?
• pressure or force you to have sex when you don't want to?
• limit where you can go and what you can do?
• tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
• prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job or continuing your education?
• destroy your belongings?
• make accusations that you are having an affair?
• touch you in a way that hurts or frightens you?
• harm, scare, or threaten you or your children?

IF you answered YES to any of these questions you could be a victim of domestic abuse and you need to GET HELP NOW!

When I saw this earlier this week on a friend's Facebook wall, I was instantly transported back to a time when I felt completely powerless to help a close friend who was struggling with some of these issues in her relationship with someone who appeared to most people to be a kind, generous, thoughtful man. Thankfully I've never experienced abuse in my own relationships, but I am empathetic toward those who have. And being on the outside, watching someone you care about suffer for falling in love with someone who isn't capable of a trusting, loving relationship is hard to do. But I've found it's always better to speak up or ask questions than to stand by and say nothing.

None of the things above are love. Remember that. Pass the word.