wise word wednesday

Since I missed motivation Monday... here's a little wise word for Wednesday instead.

The other night, we were looking at some boudoir photos that one of my besties just had done for her upcoming 10th anniversary. One of the girls made a comment about how amazing she looked, and that as women, we should all be able to embrace our bodies and love ourselves without fear of judgment. I believe her words were along the lines of - our bodies are amazing, we make babies for pete's sake, and we should celebrate that every day.

I agree. I think we should spend more time loving ourselves. Knowing who you are inside and out and loving yourself not in spite of your imperfections, but simply with your imperfections. Unconditional love. The outside world does enough to shame women (and men) into feeling less than enough. Don't you start doing it to yourself too.

the silence is so loud

On September 13, 2000, my best friend was born. He weighed exactly 16 ounces and was the second biggest in his litter of 12 chocolate lab puppies. I didn't meet him for another four weeks, and I didn't bring him home to live with me until four weeks after that.

 
Twelve years and nine months later, on June 29, 2013, we said farewell and I stroked his fur for the last time.

I knew my time was limited and I was as prepared to let him go as I could be. And I knew it would hurt and I'd miss him like crazy, and I do. I never thought about how silent the house would be. I didn't realize how it would feel to come home and not have to walk to the back to let him in from whatever place he was napping in the yard. How lonely it would be to not be woken up by a cute little face peeking over the mattress, letting me know that he needed something (a cookie, a restroom break, or just a kiss).


I can get used to sleeping in again. I can get used to the freedom of being able to not go straight home from work or coordinating to make sure someone could take care of him. But the silence? I don't know if I can get used to that.

nothing finer

I'm pretty sure there is nothing finer in this life than to love someone simply and straighforwardly. My happiness doesn't come from another, nor do I need a man to feel complete myself. We are our own separate people with our own experiences and lives, and the time we spend together should only add to both our happiness.

In my life, this type of love is a place where there is absolutely no judgment of each other. This love is not the sort that brings drama and unrest to people's lives; rather it is the place where our hearts go to rest. It's knowing that I can show up on his doorstep without a lick of makeup on and he'll still think I'm beautiful. It's being brave enough to let him listen to my secrets and knowing that they're safe in his heart; that he protects them as he would his own. It's peaceful, calm, romantic, strong and abiding. It's the kind of love that inspires sonnets.

young at heart

Ever since the day he picked me out, I’ve loved his sweet face. He is the essence of peace and confidence. He won’t back down if someone threatens his family (me), but he has also mastered the lazy “smell the roses” stroll. 

I admit, I didn’t fully know what I was getting into when I got him. I remember my best friend asking me if I knew that some dogs eat their own poop, and was I really prepared to deal with that? But I was in love, puppy love, and I fell in deep. And my life is so much better as a result. When I look at the friends I have now that I never would have met without him, I count my blessings. And when I remember the times he’s let me cry into his fur and just snuggled in when I needed love, I count them again. 

And so, when my cute old man who has arthritis and other complicated illnesses, brings me his ball when I get home, I can’t help but smile at his wagging tail and his cute little hop and skip and stroll to pick up the ball after I throw it. He’s so stinkin’ cute!

Print available here.

beautiful souls

I just spent the weekend with my best friend and two teenage girls. We flew to Los Angeles where we immediately (an hour or so later) got in the rental car and drove directly to the Pacific Ocean to have a picnic lunch with our feet in the sand, soaking up some sunshine and watching surfers. We spent the next two days covering every inch of Disneyland and California Adventure, filling up our happy tanks, laughing till we cried, walking till we hurt, and riding roller coasters till we screamed. I heard more giggles out of those two girls than I thought possible, until I remembered that I was once a giggling girl myself.

And yet, in the middle of all the excitement and joy, there were bittersweet moments. I couldn't help remembering going through the Haunted Mansion and riding the Matterhorn with Rochelle when we were 15. I thought of friendship often as I was watching the girls, knowing that both of them are seriously struggling with self-esteem, eating disorders and more, in a way that is beyond normal for their age. But their giggles and happiness were real this weekend, of that I am sure. I can only hope that it carries them for a while and shelters them from pain as long as possible.

Although I'm not a parent, my maternal instincts wanted to do everything to make sure they know that they are worthy and loved just for being themselves. That beauty isn't in the clothes they wear, the makeup they sneak on, and in whether they have a tan or not. It's in their soul and it sparkles even when their eyes are sad. It's in the child-like joy of joining in with a Disney character who just asked you to dance on the sidewalk. It's in learning a new way to live after a parent leaves or passes away. It's in the act of volunteering at a cat shelter just because you love cats. It's in giggling and sharing secrets with your best friend, knowing that she's got your back no matter what. It's in the permagrin that comes from riding a roller coaster that made you feel like a kid. These girls have beauty that cannot be contained, I just wish they could see what I see and trust in themselves.

monday motivation - forever

Today is not that day.

monday motivation - love

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.
  Stephen Kendrick

What is unconditional love? Love given freely, without demand. It is kindness, compassion, honesty, loyalty. Unwavering in its truth, unconditional love doesn't fade. It's not infatuation or romance. It's so much simpler, and so much more meaningful. It can be shared among family, friends, even strangers.

My life is full of unconditional love. For the friends and family who choose to love me unconditionally, I am grateful beyond words. And I choose to love you back, regardless of circumstance or distance. In the quiet of your heart, my friend, know that you are forever loved.

by and by

After spending a couple hours with a close friend a few evenings ago, I left for home feeling more content and peaceful than I had in days. I'd had a rough couple of days and my heart was feeling a little torn up, so it was comforting to just sit and be with my friend for a little while.  Back at home, as I was settling in for the night, I put on one of my favorite albums and it wasn't long before my favorite song came up to the plate. As I nodded off with these words in the background, I couldn't help but think of how true this is for our friendship. And for that I am ever thankful.

By and By

~Brett Dennen

Listen close, as close as I am to you
like the bell of liberty I'll ring a sound that's true
days go by and seasons too
in time our love may digress with the words we can renew

I tell you that I
I love you by and by
I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life

and I know words can be the worst to purvey
how it is I feel for you it's hard for me to say
but if we keep it simple I think it's better that way
tangled words tend to lead my messages astray

I tell you that I
I love you by and by
and I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life

this web we weave holds us hand in hand
and if we loosen our grips we may weaken these strands
so let us reinforce our love and let it echo through the land
if we don't we may find ourselves washed up with the sand

I tell you that I
I love you by and by
and I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life

unconditional love

Today, I can't help but think about the one who loves me like no one else ever will. There is never any judgment in his eyes. He is always happy to see me, he sits with me when I need a snuggle, and he is goofy when I want a giggle. He'll do just about anything to make me smile. He is simply the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's the reason I had to put a child proof lock on the fridge and I don't even have children. He's insanely smart and stubborn and I love him more than life sometimes.

I'm taking my boy Porter in for a surgery he shouldn't have to have. A month ago, I took him in to have two tumors/growths removed. One on his eye, and the other on his right shoulder. There was an error, and they took off a growth on his left shoulder instead. I'm a little nervous about putting him under anesthesia again, since he's an old boy now. But they've assured me he is healthy and strong enough, and there is still that weird tumor on his right shoulder, so here we go.

UPDATE - Mr. Porter is home. It was a rough night though. He wasn't eating or drinking, and is moving pretty slow. He's eaten breakfast now, so that's good, but I feel so bad for the poor baby.