I woke up today knowing that I would get to chat with him and looking forward to it, even though I know we aren't exactly on the same relationship page right now. That's just how it is. I love discussing things with this man. It's interesting that with him, I can speak more freely than with anyone else. I know that I can express my wants and needs and wishes and dreams and he doesn't seem to judge them or me. He asks questions in a way that makes me think, and then sometimes, makes me face something I don't necessarily want to admit even to myself. I'm not even sure he realizes what he's doing.
Today, he asked me a fairly simple question. And in just thinking about the answer, a simple truth hit me, and the tears started to roll down my cheeks, and I fell apart.
"What do you want right now?"
The truth is, I want to NOT know how a broken heart feels. Maybe it's the time of year, the upcoming anniversaries of friends lost but never forgotten, but the cracks and wounds left by old heartaches are sore and tender. I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had and the love I've had for anything. But sometimes, I wish I still had the innocent ability to fall in love without reservation and without caution.