Friday, March 29, 2013


What happens when you and the one you love need different things?

The other day, I had a conversation with a friend about his relationship. He and his partner are at a fundamental crossroads. Something that he considers to be a basic necessity in life is something that his partner does not believe to be necessary, and therefore won’t provide.

He didn’t have to say it. I could sense his pain over this difference a mile away. How do you walk away from someone you care about and love? How do you honor your needs when your partner won’t? How does that relationship survive? Can you really deny something about yourself that is vital to your well being in order to stay in a relationship? Maybe you can for a while. But are you ever really happy? What is the cost to your soul?

Through the experience I had as an adult watching my parents’ marriage unravel, my perceptions on commitment and relationships were altered quite drastically. Over time, it became crystal clear to me that I would never be able to commit to a relationship with a man where our needs couldn’t coexist and thrive in each others presence. I’ve seen too many friends and family members settle for less than this. I watch their struggles, and I know I don’t want that for myself.

I’m not talking about little things and small differences in a relationship. I’m talking about the big ones. The things that you absolutely need in order to feel loved by another. Without them, you will never feel complete.
Some people might say that if you love someone, you’ll accept that they may not love you the way you need. Okay, that’s one way of looking at it. You must make the sacrifice and ignore what you need in order to receive their love. You lower your expectation, and make it okay for someone to love you by giving you less than you need.

Really? Feel love by not getting what you need to feel love? Hmm…

I think that if you truly love someone, you try to discover how they need to be loved and offer them as much of that as you can. In other words, if you have to sacrifice anything, you make the sacrifice of giving more than you feel comfortable with, rather than asking them to accept less.

Remember this, my dear friend. It is never too late to choose to honor yourself. It may not be easy, but your heart knows the way.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

it's like a sneeze

This isn't a real post. But since I don't have real readers that doesn't matter. Whose blog is this anyway? Oh yeah, it's mine, and I get to celebrate my fun friends whenever and however I want. So from one home fry to another - I found this text conversation saved in my phone the other day:

E: My coworkers want a warning before I sneeze so they can prepare for the loudness. :)

S: Ha! that's like asking me to warn people before I say something brilliant. Sometimes you can't. It just happens. 

E: You crack me up home fry!

S: Achoo.

Told you it wasn't a real post. Next time maybe you'll believe me.

Monday, March 25, 2013

the best laid plans

Last week was stressful. That might be an understatement. It was the most stressful week I’ve had in quite a while. There wasn’t one aspect of my life that wasn’t pulled off kilter in one way or another. Between men tugging on my heart strings, huge division reorganization at work, financial worry and more, by Thursday night, I was ready to relax. But first, my normal 3-day weekend was cut a bit short by a mid day work meeting on Friday. Ok, I can handle logging in for a couple of hours when it is important, it really doesn't happen that often. And it did give me a good idea how crazy and busy the next few months will be. So as soon as that was done, I ran out to take care of an errand, then picked up my mom and went hunting at some vintage and antique stores. We spent the rest of the afternoon finding things for my house. Oh, we found some great treasures!

That night I opened a bottle of wine and had a long talk with one of those heart string tugging men. I was well on my way to a relaxing weekend after a hard week. I had plans for Saturday and Sunday to get some work done outside, do some painting, get the house cleaned, and work on some sewing projects. Basically, my plan was to get some rest and get stuff done so I could give work the focus it’s going to require this week without falling apart.

Instead, I spent most of Saturday and Sunday sitting in a hospital, worried and scared. My dad’s wife called me at 9:30 Saturday morning. She had taken my dad to urgent care with chest pain, and they were transporting him to the hospital via ambulance. I met them at the ER and we sat and waited for several hours. The nurse came in and told us they were going to admit him and we’d be moving upstairs shortly. In typical fashion, my dad didn’t react much, but he got really quiet. I think that was when he realized exactly how serious this could be.

Over the next few hours, we learned that it was probably not a heart attack, but that he needed to spend the night on monitors to be sure. So, we sat and watched basketball, and we talked, and while it wasn’t anyone’s first choice for a visit, it was good. It was about as serious a wake-up call about heart disease and risk factors as anyone could have without needing more serious (surgical) interventions.

So, that was my weekend – sitting in a hospital room talking to my dad. Not a single productive thing happened at my house. It’s a mess, the laundry isn’t done, there are still a million weeds in my yard, and I’m not nearly as rested as I wanted to be for work today. But, my dad is okay for now. My world isn’t completely torn apart. Because no matter what I had planned for the weekend, the best laid plans always include room to drop everything and show up when life happens.

Friday, March 22, 2013

not a minute more

‘Do not wonder why things are “taking so long.” In fact, everything is rolling out exactly as it needs to, using not a minute more than perfection requires. Rest easy and be at peace. Life is working its magic even as you take your very next breath.’
-Neale Donald Walsch

Sometimes it's hard to be patient, even when I know it's in my best interests. Like love. It's a bit maddening though, when you know exactly what the end result will be, and it's everything you've dreamed of, and you are so excited for that moment when it becomes real, but you know you can't force the timing. So you sit and wait and pretend not to notice that time is passing. And you go out with friends, and you go out on lame dates, and you laugh and enjoy your life, but you still know deep inside that part of your life is just 'on hold.' Waiting for the moment when your dream comes true.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

when the sun goes down

Not long ago, one of my dearest friends said to me, "Did you ever notice how much of our friendship happens in the dark of night?"

It's true. While we've spent plenty of time together in daylight, some of the most memorable and true moments in our friendship over the years have happened after the sun has set. There have been late nights, early mornings, and sometimes all nights. By ourselves or with friends, staying up and talking about love and loss, goofing off and laughing till our sides ache. Soaking in a hot tub under the stars, lying in the cool grass on a summer night, snowball fights, and movie marathons all seem more exciting and adventurous in the dark. And our truths are so much easier to tell then too. It's easier to let your tears flow, drop your guard and be humble with each other.

I always look forward to these late night adventures, because they don't happen every day or every week. They are special and magical and happy and full of laughter and love, just like our friendship. It's about time we planned another one, don't you think, old friend?

Monday, March 18, 2013


Today is national Trisomy 18 awareness day. Although, for anyone who knows about it from experience, every day is Trisomy 18 awareness day. I'll never forget the day I learned about it.

Shauna, my best friend, had recently moved to Texas, but miles don't really matter to friends like us. We knew Shauna's doctor was concerned about something when they ordered more tests after a routine ultrasound. We even talked about the fact that if anyone could handle a baby with special needs - like Down syndrome - it would be her. After all, she took in a paraplegic kitten who wasn't expected to live a year (and is now 13). But then she got the results. It was so much worse. No amount of love and care would protect this baby. The statistics are depressing. There were so many if's. If he made it to term. If he made it through delivery. If he survived a few hours, or a few days.

And there was only one when. When our hearts would break completely. All we could do was hope it was all a mistake, pray for a miracle, and offer Shauna our support from afar. And when Jackson was stillborn on November 12, 2003, we all grieved. And we still remember.

My heart reaches out to all those who have been touched by T18 in their lives.

Friday, March 15, 2013

first sign of spring

This little guy is the first in my yard to stretch open and welcome a new season!

As usual, the first daffodils remind me of a girls road trip during spring break many years ago. I'll never forget the laughter and joy that radiated from that car full of girls. May it cheer you up and remind you that it's time for new beginnings.