who you'd be today

Today is Rochelle's birthday. My best friend for nearly a quarter century on this earth. We met in 9th grade, were inseparable throughout high school, along with Shauna, and after high school, things never really changed. Sure we moved, went to school, got jobs, fell in and out of love with boys, then fell in love with men. But whenever something big happened, my first phone call was always to her.

In all those years, I can't remember a single fight we had. We disagreed sometimes, but never fought. Because that would be like yelling at myself. We were that connected.

I miss her so much, and with all that's going on in my life right now, I really wish I could just call her. I know she'd have some good advice along with a funny story or two.

As the years go by, I find myself wondering what she'd be up to now. Would she and Dave have adopted a child, giving Rohn a brother or sister? Would she still be working at the pharmacy? Living in the same tiny house, and would they have finally taken the plunge to remodel it and add on? Kenny Chesney sings this song about losing his best friend in high school, and that song has always been a sweet reminder of Rochelle.

what's the difference...

...between compromising and settling?

I'd like to say I have it figured out and I know the answer, but I'm not sure I do.

So, there's this guy I REALLY like. And we get along like peaches and cream, chocolate and peanut butter, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert. You know... really great and pretty amazing by themselves, but somehow when you put them together... TA DA!

The story from here, should say, "and he thought she was pretty amazing too, and they went and did amazing things together and many years passed..." But it doesn't. Not yet. I mean, I think it still could someday.

There are just a few things we don't necessarily agree on. And they're kind of big ticket items, for me anyway. So I'm stalling. I'm hesitating to take the next step, because I'm not sure what direction to go. Do I cut and run? Do I stand my ground? Or do I let him have his way?

And here is my struggle... In my bones, I feel an intense connection with this man. He understands me like very few ever have. If I give in, and let him have his way on the things we are currently disagreeing on, am I compromising or settling? Is it really a compromise when it feels like I'm doing all the giving, and he has not budged on anything? And is settling what I want to do? God knows I've done that, and ended up with a pretty badly beaten heart out of it.

Yet when I look at the alternative, at walking away, my heart slams on the brakes before I even move. Don't give up yet, it says.

So, how will we bridge the gap? Will we find the way to be together that meets both our needs and builds on the chemistry and attraction we already have? I hope so. My heart hopes so. My intuition says there's a way. I just need to find the compromise that works without feeling like either of us are settling.

Wish us luck.

when life hands me lemons...

I make my favorite luscious lemon cupcakes... a seriously yummy recipe you can find here. The fresh lemon buttercream frosting really makes it though. I've actually made this recipe with a box cake, using lemon juice in place of some of the liquid, and it came out great too. I made it as a layer cake, adding just enough yellow food color to the frosting to make you think of the sweetest creamy butter you've ever seen and topping it with yellow sugar.

I served it to my mom and Bill one day. I thought my mom might faint from the lemony goodness. Because that's how these girls roll. We love lemony goodness around here.

This week, life isn't handing me lemons. It is full of bananas though. Which, if you need to make banana cupcakes for a coworkers birthday next week, is just fine.

I'm thinking of this recipe, in hollowed out cupcakes full of the custardy filling and sliced bananas and a sweet whipped cream frosting.

Just one thing...I could use the actual bananas though, not the ones that ended up on my plate at work...